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Here I am writing again, look at me go! I guess the tips from my last post have been somewhat effective. Something else that helped me schedule in time to write was starting to think about what I would write, which I found rather difficult at first. I have a lot to write about, but how to communicate it in an orderly fashion, that’s the challenge. 

Well, as I mentioned before, my last year or so has been particularly eventful so I thought I’d start at the beginning of that – my mum’s cancer diagnosis. Some tough stuff to talk about but I think it’ll be good to reflect on it, and I pray that my experience can be helpful to others too. So here we go…

10th May 2022

Mum had a lump. It turns out she had had a lump for quite a while but due to the busy-ness of life, and the chaos of the ‘Covid years’, she didn’t go to get it checked. In the months of March – April 2022, Mum was changing career from co-ordinating expeditions up Kilimanjaro to training to be a taxi driver – quite the dramatic change. This seems irrelevant, I know, but this shift of career was more life changing than you can imagine. To become a taxi driver, there are all sorts of tests you need to do – including medical. During her full body examination, Mum’s lump was found. 

A small reflection on this: God really does work in mysterious ways. What a random change of career – expedition co-ordinator to taxi driver. But if it wasn’t for the providence of this timing, who knows when Mum’s diagnosis would have come about.

So anyway, at this point all we knew was Mum had a lump on her left breast and it needed to be checked. On 10th May 2022, Mum had a confirmed breast cancer diagnosis that was “at least” at Stage 3 but we were waiting for further test results. These results later confirmed that Mum was HER2+, meaning that the cancer would grow more quickly. A month later, it was discovered that the cancer was at Stage 4 because it had spread to her lymph nodes on the right side. 

Responding to a diagnosis 

A diagnosis effects many people in many ways. As soon as there was any mention of cancer, I sought advice from online resources and found Macmillan’s “Supporting Someone” page particularly helpful – it really talks through the emotions of the person receiving a diagnosis, which is useful to understand if you want to support them well. Personally, I feel that I responded in the following ways: 

1. Being there – My mum lived in North Devon and I live in Bath – sometimes being there didn’t mean physically. Even before a confirmed diagnosis, I phone and messaged Mum regularly. I wanted her to feel supported and seen. I travelled down on the day of her diagnosis, and then rather regularly as her journey transpired. It was important to me that Mum knew she wasn’t going through this alone.
   
   
2. Research – There’s a lot of terminology that comes alongside a diagnosis. This can be confusing. There is also a lot of information on the internet – plenty of which can be rather unhelpful, and cause more anxiety and fear than is needed. I did research terminology to gain a basic understanding, but I tried to not go down any rabbit holes of what symptoms and longer term prognosis looks like. I felt that the most important research I could do was practical stuff. How can I support Mum emotionally? What’s helpful and unhelpful to say? What are the likely emotions I will feel during this time, and how could I process these?
   
   
3. Faith and prayer – In moments of such uncertainty the only way I know how to respond is by praying – and when I say praying, I don’t mean praying that this bad thing will go away. I mean praying that God will give the strength to get through such a storm. Recognising through prayer that I know God sees past these current events, and He will carry me through to the other side. Praying that Mum will remember who God is and that He’ll be with her when everything feels dark and scary. To pray such things, had wondrous results. I had to keep reminding myself that death, pain and suffering is not the way that God wanted this world to be, and it pains Him as much as it pained me. This scary situation was an opportunity to draw closer to God, who wants to comfort and love me through such situations – what a hope to hold on to.
   
   
4. And finally, choosing love – This is going to be a recurring theme as I discuss Mum’s cancer journey because during this whole experience, I think I’ve learnt the many forms that choosing love can take. I also learnt that the best way to know how to love Mum and the people around me, was by remembering who Jesus is and how He chose to love me. To love well, you must take a real look at your own heart, where your intentions lie, and who you are doing things for. Sometimes choosing to love someone means saying the hardest truths, sometimes it means not saying anything. But overall, I knew that the best way I could love Mum during this devastating time, was by pointing her to Christ and the love that He has for her. 
   

As I said above, a diagnosis affects many people in many ways. It’s tough news to receive and nobody responds perfectly. I’ve not written this to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t do. I just want to reflect, process and share my story of how I responded during a pretty tough time. 

I shared the below verses with Mum on the day of her diagnosis, and how true they remained throughout her cancer journey: 

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39