Can anyone talk to God? Understanding prayer and repentance


Have you ever wondered if God hears your prayers?

Over the last couple of weeks we’ve been thinking about prayer. So far we’ve taken a deeper look at this timeless practice and established that prayer is more than a list of requests, it’s an intimate conversation with God. We’ve also thought about how to approach praying – using the Lord’s prayer as a template. 

It’s been wonderful reflecting on the intimacy that we can have with God in prayer, and it’s been important to remember that we pray through Jesus to a God who deserves reverence. 

But from research that I’ve carried out, one of the most common questions around prayer is ‘can anyone talk to God?’

So, let’s explore this tricky but crucial topic. It includes thinking about the God that we are praying to and a word called ‘repentance’. 

Repentance… 

What comes to mind when you think of this word? 

You may be all too familiar with it, and be practicing it daily. 

You may think you know the meaning of repentance because it’s a word that’s thrown around a lot at church but when you look at your life, you struggle to see where this word practically comes into play. 

And finally, you may have no idea what this word is – or just think it’s one of those mumbo-jumbo words that you hear religious people talking about. 

Wherever you stand on the understanding of this word, please do stay tuned because it’s a pivotal part of prayer, and something that’s helpful for us all to be reminded of. 

What is repentance? 

In it’s simplest form, repentance purely means acknowledging wrongdoing and actively turning away from it. 

It’s crucial to remember that God doesn’t expect perfection, but a sincere heart that seeks Him and desires change. Repentance is not about shame, but about transformation through God’s grace.

It means recognising that the way I’ve been living, or something I’ve done, is a grievance to God, so confessing this to God and then repositioning my heart and mind towards Him. 

The turning away from the wrongdoing is a really important part. Before truly becoming a Christian, I would pray to God. I would say sorry for something, acknowledge a wrongdoing… but then go and do the same thing again and again! 

I thought I was repenting but I now see that really I was just making empty promises because my heart wasn’t truly in it.

I will take a deeper look into repentance at a later date but for now I want to highlight it’s importance in regards to prayer.

So why do we need repentance to pray? 

The first thing to establish is that we’re praying to a God who is holy and wants to have a relationship with His creation (us). However, our natural state of being is shutting God out, and being the rulers of our own lives.

God isn’t looking for distant, religious rituals; He wants to be close to us. And repentance is about restoring that closeness when we’ve drifted away.

The second thing of note is that God is morally pure so prayer and a relationship with Him requires a heart pointing in the same direction. The darkness and evil of this world grieves God, so if we are looking towards that, He cannot have a relationship with us. 

There are a few Bible verses that highlight this: 

Whoever shuts their ears to the cry of the poor will also cry out and not be answered.” (Proverbs 21:13)

If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.” (Psalms 66:18)

When you spread out your hands in prayer, I hide my eyes from you; even when you offer many prayers, I am not listening. Your hands are full of blood!” (Isaiah 1:15)

These verses show that God cares about the states of our hearts, and the need for repentance become more understandable. It is a privilege to have a relationship with God and for Him to hear our prayers. Why would He listen to us if we are purposely doing things that grieve Him?

Just like King Charles wouldn’t want to be friends with someone plotting treason, God desires a relationship with those who genuinely seek His will, not those intentionally turning their backs on Him.


So that this post isn’t too long for you, feel free to click on the option below that’s the most relevant to you. Or, if your interest is piqued, read both parts – they’re helpful to think about no matter your spiritual positioning!

  1. What does repentance look like for someone exploring faith?
  2. What does repentance look like for a Christian?

What does repentance look like for someone exploring faith? 

Seeking a relationship

Essentially when you’re first exploring faith and looking to seek a relationship with God, the greatest thing to ‘repent’ of is having rejected God up until this point. 

We are born into a natural state of putting ourselves first. Even if you grew up in a Christian home and believe in God, by following your own way rather than His, you are still rejecting Him. Relationship with God isn’t about belief, it’s about aligning your mind and heart towards Him. 

If you relate this to the relationships we have with people in our every day lives – just because you’re aware of someone’s existence, it doesn’t mean you automatically have a relationship with that person. 

And as the Creator of this whole world and everything in it, God has a certain standard required in order to have a relationship with Him. But as humans, we can’t meet His morally pure standards… 

And this is where Jesus comes in

Before Jesus, people had to follow specific rituals and sacrifices to connect with God. But when Jesus came to this earth as fully man and fully God and died on the cross, He became the ultimate sacrifice. 

This means that rather than following the old age Jewish rituals and sacrifices, we can now have a relationship with God through Jesus’ sacrifice (which is why Christians go on about Jesus so much – He’s kind of the centre to it all). 

Because of Jesus, we don’t have to be perfect to approach God in prayer. His grace covers our imperfection, and repentance allows us to draw nearer, acknowledging where we’ve fallen short and seeking His guidance to do better.

This means we can now approach God in prayer, confident that He hears us. But first, we need to acknowledge our need for Him and turn our hearts toward His will. 

So! Initial repentance looks like… 

Recognising that there is a perfect God that created us and wants a relationship with us. That we can not meet His level of perfection. That we’re sorry for having rejected God thus far and that in order to have a relationship with God, we recognise Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. 

It’s inviting Him to come into your heart and life so that we can turn away from the things that grieve God, and turn towards His goodness and light. 

If you’re new to exploring faith, take a moment to reflect: are there areas in your life where you’ve been pushing God away? Inviting Him in starts with repentance and an openness to the change He offers.

Now that we’ve explored what repentance looks like for someone who’s just starting their journey with God, let’s shift to what this means for those of us who already have a relationship with Jesus.

What does repentance look like for a Christian?

Repentance isn’t a one-stop wonder

It’s not something that you do and then suddenly you’re living a perfect life, never upsetting God. 

I think this is a very important thing to hold on to because it should humble us, and make us think twice before judging others. 

The wonderful thing about becoming a Christian is that as you grow, you learn more and more about God, and you learn more and more about yourself too. 

Going against God comes in all shapes and sizes. But it’s not a list of dos and don’ts, it’s a positioning of the heart. 

Plus, each time we repent, we’re reminded of God’s incredible grace – that no matter how many times we stumble, His arms are always open to receive us again. Repentance is a daily opportunity to realign with God and live more fully in His love.

Recognising the position of my heart

Whenever I need help in recognising where my heart lies, I turn to Galatians 5. This section of the Bible offers a wonderful contrast between the fruits of our human state:

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.” (Verses 19-21)

And the fruits of knowing God: 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Verses 22-23)

So, if I’ve had an altercation with my husband, I can ask myself did I respond with hatred, selfish ambition, and a fit of rage? Or did I respond with love, kindness and gentleness.

If my response is the former, it’s likely that I have a reason to repent because I not only upset my husband but I also upset God. 

Other times, the grievances I cause are much bigger than a spat with my spouse. Sometimes I can fall into a much greater sin. 

But big or small, sin is sin. If we’ve grieved others or God, then there’s a need to say sorry. And because of the grace of God, we can freely do this. 

Knowing that I will be forgiven, because that’s what’s promised, brings so much freedom. It means that I don’t need to harbour guilt and shame! 

A prayer of repentance from the Bible

Psalm 51 offers such a beautiful prayer of repentance and they’re words that we can use and take to God as a prayer for ourselves: 

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.” (Verses 1-4) 

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” (Verses 10-12) 

Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Saviour, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise.” (Verses 14-15)

The language of this Psalm is very poetic but it highlights God’s mercy and forgiveness; that when we do wrong – even when we’ve hurt other people – we’ve sinned against God; and asks for a renewal of spirit and restoration of joy. These are things that we can be praying for each day! 

So, as you grow in your relationship with Jesus, take time to reflect: are there areas in your life where you’ve drifted away from God?


As we come to the end of this exploration, I hope you’ve gained a deeper understanding of how repentance is inseparable from our prayer life. 

Without repentance, we’re holding on to things that block our connection with God. It’s like trying to have a conversation while something stands in the way. But repentance clears that barrier and brings us back into open, honest communication with Him. 

Whether you’re just beginning to seek God or have been walking with Him for years, repentance isn’t something to shy away from – it’s a gift that brings us closer to God, time and time again.

Through Jesus, we are invited into an ongoing relationship where grace abounds, even when we fall short. Repentance opens the door to that grace, helping us realign our hearts with God’s will and embrace the transformation He desires for us.

So, as you move forward, I encourage you to take time to reflect and pray. Whether you’re acknowledging areas where you’ve drifted or seeking to deepen your intimacy with God, know that He is always ready to listen and eager to restore. Remember the words of Psalm 51 and the promise that when we come to Him with a sincere heart, He is faithful to forgive and renew us.

May your journey in prayer continue to be one of growth, honesty, and grace – knowing that each time you repent, you draw nearer to the One who loves you more than you can imagine. 

“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'” (John 14:6)

How do I approach praying? A simple guide for more meaningful prayer 


In my last post, we took a deeper look at the timeless practice of prayer and recognised that it is an intimate conversation with God.

This conversation is central to the relationship we can have with Him, and when viewed this way, prayer becomes a wonderful means of deepening that relationship, and helps us know how to approach God. 

Approaching prayer

Let’s think about this in terms of the relationships we have with people in our every day life…

If you don’t know someone very well, you may start a conversation with them by introducing yourself, explaining why you’re speaking to them, and ask them who they are too. 

In the same way, if you feel like you don’t really know God, you may start off with more simple prayers, that could look like:

“Hello God, I’m sorry I’ve not lived my life in a way that recognises you but I’d like to get to know you better. Things have been really hard in my life recently, and I could do with some hope. I recognise that you are a giver of hope and would like to get to know you more. Please will you show me more of who you are. Help me to get to know you better through the Bible and other people.” 

However, if you now go to the other side of the relationships spectrum and think about someone that you know really well, what would a conversation look like with them? 

You would recognise them for who they are in your life – perhaps a spouse or close friend. It would likely be much deeper than your usual conversation. Perhaps you would share with them things you wouldn’t usually share with others, or admit to things that you wouldn’t tell just anyone. You may ask them to help you in different areas of your life. 

For those that know God more intimately, your conversation with Him would mirror the intimacy of someone you know well – and so would the regularity of speaking to Him. 

Wherever you are on this spectrum of relationship with God, approaching God in prayer can be as simple or as deep as your relationship with Him – and the goal is always to grow closer. 

Do we have to pray in a certain way? 

There are lots of different types, reasons and circumstances for prayer. I pray constantly throughout the day. I pray for the small things, I pray for the big things. I pray for help in every day situations, and even pray for random people that I pass on the street. 

However, it’s important to not just be doing these kinds of prayers. I love that I can constantly turn to God in prayer, and that He is with me throughout each day, wherever I am. But I also need to recognise Him as an Almighty God that deserves a level of reverence, worship and awe. 

It’s good for us to reflect on our lives in relation to God and the way that He calls us to live. It’s important to be on guard against temptation and where we feel weak, and ask for safe-keeping from this. It’s a privilege to be able to ask for comfort in situations we’re scared of, and to be able to pray for the wellbeing of the people that we love. 

Maintaining reverence reminds us of God’s majesty while recognising His constant presence in our everyday life fosters intimacy.

A great example of prayer

For longer form prayers, it can sometimes be a struggle to know where to start – there can be so much to prayer for! 

In Matthew 6:9-13, Jesus taught us how to pray. You may be familiar with this prayer – it’s known as the Lord’s Prayer. 

I find this prayer a wonderful template for my everyday, longer prayers. It can be taken and applied to each of our lives. 

Recognising who you’re praying to

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:9-10)

I think it’s important to start prayers off by recognising and submitting to the God that you are praying to. It’s also just respectful to speak to someone in a way where you recognise their importance in your life (similar to speaking to your grandmother, for example).

What’s more, God has many attributes that can speak into different areas of our lives and remembering these can be helpful to shape the rest of your prayer. For example…

If I’m feeling scared I may start a prayer off with, “Lord, I know that you are my refuge and fortress”.

When I am thankful I might begin with, “God you are the great Provider and Creator of this world”. 

Or when anxious, I may remember God’s character in saying, “Lord you are King of Kings and ruler of this world, I recognise that my times are in your hands and I can trust you.”

“…Your kingdom come, Your will be done…” is also a helpful reminder to have as you enter into prayer, especially if you’re asking for things. 

Just because we’re asking God for something, it doesn’t mean He has to grant it. Sometimes what we ask for may not be in our best interest.

This can be discouraging, but we can trust God’s judgement in this – just as we would trust our parents’ judgement when growing up. Plus, trusting God in the unknown is part of growing in faith. 

Daily provisions

Give us this day our daily bread.” (Matthew 6:11) 

This short verse holds a lot of meaning and it can be viewed in two different ways:

a. Recognition of provision

When praying this section, I stop to be thankful for all that God has provided for me. Whether that’s the basics of food, water, shelter, or the blessings of luxuries in my life. 

b. A need for Jesus and His wisdom 

In John 6:35, Jesus declared: 

I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

When Jesus says this, He is speaking in spiritual terms. Each day we need wisdom to overcome the challenges this life throws at us. He offers His presence to comfort and support us when we are feeling scared, and guidance for when we are feeling lost. 

And just to say, the best way to receive this “daily bread” is by reading the Bible daily – as this is where we can hear His wisdom, comfort and guidance. 

Forgiveness

And forgive us our debts [sins], as we forgive our debtors [those who have sinned against us].” (Matthew 6:12)

Again, this verse is loaded with a lot of helpful things. First of all, it gives us an opportunity to reflect on where we have sinned (also known as upsetting God, or going against His will for us). 

It’s easy to brush past this and use a very generic statement, such as ‘forgive me for sinning’ or ‘I’m sorry for going against your will’. 

I find it helpful to stop and really reflect and be specific here. What have I done that day to upset God? Did I speak to someone unkindly? Did I gossip about others? Did I feel resentment towards a work colleague?  

And the second half of the verse reminds us that because we are forgiven, we too should forgive others. It also challenges us to think about where we may not have forgiven someone, and offers an opportunity to ask for help in doing this. 

Protection

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” (Matthew 6:13)

This is a great privilege of prayer. We all have things that we struggle with or are tempted by. Jesus taught us to ask for help in this. 

We are not perfect beings, and when we rely on ourselves to overcome our challenges, we’re probably going to fail. 

It also touches on the spiritual battle of life. There is an evil one who seeks to tempt us into turning away from God. He wants us to reject God and follow our weaknesses. But Jesus invites us to pray for protection against this. 


As we thought about last week, prayer is more than a ritual or a list of requests – it’s a living, intimate conversation with God.

No matter where you are in your journey with Him. Whether you’re approaching Him with simple prayers or engaging in deeper, more personal conversations, each moment spent in prayer brings you closer to understanding His heart. 

As we follow the example Jesus gave us in the Lord’s Prayer, we are reminded to come to God with reverence, gratitude, and trust in His will for our lives. 

So, wherever you find yourself today – whether you’re struggling to find the right words or confidently pouring out your heart – know that God is listening. He desires a deeper relationship with you, and prayer is the key to growing in that relationship. 

Take a moment to reflect on your own prayer life. How might you grow in intimacy with God through more intentional, heartfelt conversations with Him? Start where you are, and trust that He is ready to meet you.

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14)

What is Prayer? A deeper look at a timeless practice


Prayer is a universal practice, deeply rooted in cultures and religions across the globe. But what does it truly mean to pray?

This month I’m going to do a focus on prayer. I’ll be looking at what Christian prayer is, different ways to pray, and examples of prayer in the Bible. 

But before we dive in, let me ask you: do you ever pray? Maybe you find yourself praying when you’re scared or in trouble. Or perhaps you’re a practicing Christian, and prayer is a regular part of your day.

Or maybe the only time you’ve ever prayed was during a school assembly or at a wedding or funeral.

It’s something that’s been in our lives one way or another. 

Now, let’s think a little bit about what prayer actually is. 

What is prayer?

If you Google “definition of prayer”, the following result comes up:

“a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or another deity.” 

I think this definition is just the tip of the iceberg.

One thing that prayer definitely is not is a list of demands. I’ve known many people, some that would call themselves Christian, that seem to approach prayer as a list of requests from God. 

I would also argue that prayer is not a religious ritual. It may be something that’s often done in religious settings but I believe that true prayer comes from the heart. 

In a nutshell, prayer is an intimate conversation with God. It’s a central part of the relationship that we can have with Him. 

Viewing prayer through this lens helps us understand how to approach it. Each of us are at a different stage of relationship with God, and so this means that we might not all approach praying at the same level – something that will be explored in my next post on how to approach praying.

Now that we’ve considered what prayer is, let’s explore some of the benefits of prayer…

Why should I pray?

Mental health benefits

Something that’s always struck me is how much the secular world takes bits of praying and recommends it to help with mental health. 

Gratitude journals are a prime example of this. It is good for us to be grateful, to recognise the good in our life, this is an integral part of prayer too. But who are we being grateful to in gratitude journals? 

Prayer also provides opportunities to be still and reflective. We live in such a fast-paced world filled with distractions and noise. It is good for our souls, and mental health, to be still and reflect. 

I love that prayer gives us a direction for our inner most thoughts, and gives us someone to be thankful to.

Having a friend to take your troubles to

Life isn’t always easy. Sometimes things happen that are completely out of our control and there’s nothing we can do about it. Sometimes people hurt you and you don’t know what to say or do to make things better. 

To know that I can relinquish the control I try to have over my life to God, and trust that He wants to do good in a difficult situation brings me so much peace, and hope. 

This was particularly prevalent when Mum was unwell. So often it felt like everything was whirring out of control and I was scared during such uncertainty. Prayer, and my relationship with God, were an anchor during these times. 

On the flip side of the coin, sometimes there are things that I think or feel that I struggle to admit to other people. But I’m able to take these things to God through prayer. I’m able to seek forgiveness for these things and pray for help against them. 

The wonderful thing about God is that for how mighty and holy He is, He is also a friend who wants us to bring both the big and small things to Him through intimate conversation in prayer.

Relationship with your Creator

For anyone reading this that isn’t a Christian, let’s just say for arguments sake that there is a God, that you were created by a higher power that is bigger and better than anything you could ever imagine in this world. 

Now, imagine that awesome, mighty Creator wants to have a relationship with you. That He loves and cares for you, and wants to hear about your life – this can be done through prayer, what a gift!

For those that know God and follow Him, prayer is the avenue for you to get to know God even more. But more than that, if you love someone, you spend time with them. Prayer and reading the Bible are ways to spend time with God. 

If you had a relationship with a friend, and they barely spoke to you and only ever asked you for things when they did speak to you – you wouldn’t feel very loved by that friend would you? Well it’s exactly the same for your relationship with God. 

What can I pray for? 

One of my favourite Bible verses is Philippians 4:6: 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

In this verse it states that we can pray in every situation – how beautiful is that?! There’s nothing that we bring to God that He dismisses because He thinks it’s too small. 

There have been so many times that I’ve lost something and am searching around my living room looking for it, and just before I really start to get irate, I pray and ask God to help me find it. Within a couple of minutes it’s found – it’s astounding. 

This may seem like a silly example, but it’s times like that that I’m reminded that God really does hear my prayers, and He cares about all things. He is my heavenly Father that takes joy in me bringing these things to Him. 

But there are some other important bits to recognise in Philippians 4:6. We bring our petitions to God with thanksgiving. As I said earlier, a prayer is not a list of demands. 

Before we come to God with requests, it’s important to remember who He is in the situation, which helps us not to be anxious, and to recognise all the good He has already given you with thanksgiving

Praying through Jesus

Do you know why we can come to God whenever we want with the big and the small? Well, the clue is in the subheading – because of Jesus. 

Before Jesus, people had to follow specific rituals and sacrifices to connect with God. But because of Jesus’ sacrifice, we can now speak directly to God anytime, anywhere.

This is really important to remember when praying, and Jesus gave some direction on this too in John 16:23-24: 

Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.


As we’ve explored, prayer is more than just a ritual or a list of requests—it’s a profound, intimate conversation with God. Whether you’re seeking comfort in difficult times, expressing gratitude, or simply desiring to connect with your Creator, prayer offers a way to bring your deepest thoughts and emotions to someone who truly cares.

I encourage you to reflect on your own experiences with prayer. Whether you’re new to it or have been praying for years, there’s always an opportunity to grow deeper in your relationship with God. 

Take time this week to be still, to listen, and to speak to God from your heart. Perhaps consider setting aside a few minutes each day to pray or reflect. What do you want to share with God today? You might be surprised at the peace, guidance, and joy that can come from this simple yet powerful practice.

And as we continue this series on prayer, I hope you’ll join me in exploring new ways to connect with God through prayer, learning together how prayer can be a vibrant part of our daily lives.

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 29:12 

A Year Without You: A how to guide on handling grief 


Ok, so the title may be a bit misleading. There’s no right or wrong way to handle grief because it varies for everyone. But the 30th July marked one year since my Mum passed away, and I thought I’d write a little bit about how grief has affected me in the last year – including how I’ve faced physical, mental and emotional challenges, and what I did to overcome them.

What is grief? 

HelpGuide.org describes grief as “a natural response to loss”. I like this definition because it’s true, it’s a natural response – there’s nothing that we can do to stop it, in fact the more we try to block it, the greater it will be. 

Something that really surprised me in my experience with grief is the physical effects of it. In the following couple months of Mum dying, I could barely think straight and at times struggled to put a sentence together (something that would come as a surprise to anyone that knows me and what a chatterbox I am). I also experienced stomach and muscle pains, and extreme fatigue. 

Mentally, doing life was quite a challenge too. I found myself having vivid dreams with Mum in and struggling to be in large social settings. It felt weird to be continuing on with normal life when there was such a storm and loss inside. Plus, before Mum’s passing, everything was very intensely about caring and supporting her, adjusting back to normal life felt a bit like whip lash. 

And of course emotionally – there are so many emotions that come with grief, and it varies from sadness to relief to guilt to anger to regret to peace to so much more. One minute you’re fine, the next minute you’re in tears – it’s very confusing. I found that I was feeling emotions, without even realising it. Something inside felt unsettled and it wasn’t until I sat down and thought it through that I would realise where the emotions where coming from. 

In a nutshell, grief is confusing. It comes in many forms, and is often masked by other things. Most importantly though, it’s different for everyone. 

The six month mark 

Everyone talks about the “whatever-number-the-article-tells-you stages of grief” – health.com has done one on The 7 Stages of Grief.

Personally, I don’t resonate with this at all. Perhaps I recognise some of these stages from when Mum was ill. But I don’t think grief is that simple. It hits you from no where, often in quite an unexpected way. 

For me, the toughest time I felt was the six month mark. At the end of January, everything got very dark and gloomy. My energy was sucked from me and I had no motivation to do anything, even the things that I usually loved. It felt like all I could think about was work, or the fact that Mum had died and I would never speak to her again. I struggled communicating with my husband, and avoided seeing the people I would usually love to see. 

It was interesting though, I didn’t even realise it had reached the six month mark. This wasn’t my mind knowing that a milestone was coming up, this was my body physically reacting to the loss that I felt in my life. 

Dealing with grief 

I just want to reiterate, there is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. There may be unhealthy ways to respond to it, but we all react differently to difficulties in life. Here are some of the ways that I handled grief: 

Having a positive focus

Two months after Mum passing away, I married my now-husband, Shem. Although the timing of this has come with difficulties, this has overall been a wonderfully positive thing to focus on. Starting a new life offered a fresh start and a future to focus on. Plus, planning the wedding in just three months provided moments of joy and purpose amongst the grief. 

I also started a new job in the following October. This kept my mind and hands busy, and focusing on goals kept me looking forward rather than backwards. 

Other positive things to focus on includes going to the gym / getting fit, starting a new hobby (or rediscovering an old one), and booking a trip and having something to look forward to. 

Although these are all positive things to do, they come with a warning: don’t fill your time and mind as a way of running away from grief. There’s a fine line between a healthy focus and distraction. The more we avoid our emotions during such a difficult time, the bigger they get, which leads me onto my next point…

Facing your feelings 

Sometimes my feelings hit me hard. I’m not an overly emotional person so when emotions do come, I can often feel overwhelmed. My natural response is to find something to fill my time or do something as some sort of escapism. 

I’ve learnt that the best way to deal with difficult emotions is to work through them, which can sometimes look like you’re not coping. But working through emotions means doing the difficult thing and just sitting in them. There were days where I just didn’t leave my bed, even attending church wasn’t possible at times. 

Talking to someone can be helpful too. At church, we have a pastoral worker that I’ve been speaking to throughout the whole process of Mum’s illness and then her passing. It’s great to know that when I have more difficult feelings there’s someone that I can talk things through with. 

The more we face our emotions, the clearer and easier they become. The sooner we understand the root of our feelings, the sooner we are able to come out from our gloom pit and reconnect with the light. 

Writing it down 

In my darkest days, I struggled to remember simple things from the stressful times in the run up to and following Mum’s death. It was frustrating to look back on that period and realise that time was jumbled and memories were hazy. 

Something that has really helped me with this is starting this blog. To look back on the time period and puzzle the pieces together, understand emotions around things, and recognise where God was working through it all, has been amazingly helpful. 

Writing a blog is a little OTT, I know. But it actually started with journalling. On the days where thoughts were swimming around my head, I wrote them down. The thought of “keeping a diary” felt a little cringey, so I used a journalling app on my phone that’s Face ID protected. 

Getting thoughts down stopped them from swimming around my head, and helped me to begin to work through them. 

Being patient with yourself 

Being patient with yourself is such an important part to all of this. There have been, and still are, some days where I wonder if I’ll ever see the other side of this. In all honesty, it’s unlikely I will. There is always going to be something that I wish I could say to Mum, or an event that I wish she could be at. But slowly the bad days are getting further and further apart. 

It’s helpful to ask others to be patient with you too. At the age of 27, there aren’t that many people that will know what it’s like losing a Mum. Sometimes it’s helpful to just remind people of the difficult feelings you’re experiencing.

Shem has been amazingly patient with me, and such a support during this time of grief. But there have been times where I’ve still needed to remind him, or even just simply asked, “How would you feel in this circumstance after recently losing a loved one?” 

Lovingly reminding those around you to be patient with you is just as important as reminding yourself to be patient too. 

Having faith 

Being a Christian has really got me through all of this too. I won’t lie though, sometimes I’ve been asking God some very big questions. Other times I have been crying out “Ok, that’s it. Haven’t I had enough happen? Can I please stop feeling like this now?” 

But that’s the point, I’ve had a direction for my prayers. I can recognise that life can be really rubbish, and feel like it’s falling on top of you but through it all, God is with me and comforts me. I know He understands the feelings I feel because when Jesus was on this earth, He experienced the same feelings of loss and suffering. 

Even though my prayers were often calls of despair, He still heard them and each day He gave me the strength I needed to get through. He helped me to see the blessings that were in my life, and has provided me with people that comfort, love and support me. 

Faith also means trusting in the process and recognising that you are being shaped in the midst of trials, and that you are being shaped to help and comfort other people too – which continues to guide me today. 

Marking a year in a positive way 

As mentioned above, 30th July marked a year since Mum passed away. This was an interesting time, and such a milestone, as with grief as a whole, hits people differently. For me, it wasn’t as bad as the sixth month mark. I think because I knew it was coming, I was mentally very aware of it, but I didn’t have the same physical responses as the end of January. 

When Mum died, she spent her final week at The North Devon Hospice. Whilst she was there she received amazing care and they enabled her to die in the way that she wanted to – and all for free!

Whilst she was at the hospice, I made a little promise to myself that each year I would raise money for such a wonderful charity as a positive way to remember Mum’s passing. 

So, that’s what I did – I arranged a charity quiz night and invited family, friends and all of the community – 120 people turned up and we raised £1,379! 

Planning the event and remembering the anniversary of Mum’s death in such a way gave me a positive focus and made the day really special. It offered an opportunity to gather close friends and family together, whilst doing something proactive and meaningful too. 

Doing something so big may not be how you want to remember the anniversary of your loved one dying, but I really recommend doing something positive to mark the day. It helps to bring closure and turns the day into something special. 

Grief is a journey without a clear map, but with time, patience, and support, it’s possible to find moments of light even in the darkest times. I hope that by sharing my story, others will find some comfort in knowing they’re not alone.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

Overcoming the anxiety of decision making: Practical tips and Biblical advice


Making decisions. It’s something we all have to do. Some of us are better at it than others. 

I am not very good at making decisions, I actually find them rather stressful. My brain seems to ruminate and go over all of the different options again and again. I want to say yes to everything but also don’t want to say yes to anything because I never know what’s around the corner.

When I speak to Christian loved ones about it, their answers are often the same: Trust God and pray about it. Although this is a true statement, I don’t always find it the most helpful. I trust God completely, He’s taken me this far! But it doesn’t change the fact that I actually need to decide on an outcome and which path to take. 

So, as always, I thought I’d write about it. 

Decision making schools of thought

Everyone addresses decisions differently, some people like pros and cons lists, others follow their instincts, some people just procrastinate until the very final moment. 

UMass Dartmouth has put together a helpful, rather straight forward document on decision making. They suggest seven simple steps:

  1. Identify the decision
  2. Gather information
  3. Identify alternatives
  4. Weigh the evidence 
  5. Choose among alternatives
  6. Take action
  7. Review you decision

This is great advice if you aren’t very emotions-based, or if the circumstances accommodate the decision being this straight forward. But for those that need a little more thought, Indeed has put together 12 more tender tips for making decisions

  1. Try not to overthink
  2. Take care of yourself 
  3. Remove yourself from the situation 
  4. Don’t shy away from your mistakes
  5. Examine the opposite of your decision
  6. Ask for feedback
  7. Give yourself advice
  8. Manage your emotions
  9. Weigh short and long term consequences
  10. Accept the possibility of making a poor decision 
  11. Stay true to your values
  12. Use data 

I think a balance between these two lists could be helpful. The first one is very practical, and the second one seems to fill in the gaps of the emotions flying around decision-making. However, I think there’s more to it…

Understanding the difficulty in my decision making

I think the key issue I have in decision making is control. Between having a rather chaotic childhood and now having hard some real hardships in adult life, I am fearful of the unknown because I want to always be prepared for what could come next.

Making a decision is stepping into an unknown and a new environment, which can make me feel anxious that I won’t be in control of a new circumstance if bad news were to arise. 

Another issue I have is that when I don’t know what’s coming next and have too much time on my hands, I seem to get more anxious about every day situations and stress over small things.

I’ve had a very intense couple of years and I know that I am in need of time off, but I seem to be spending my time off obsessing over what I should be doing next, rather than being in the moment and enjoying the gift of rest. 

Given the difficulty and stress that I faced last year, and then jumping into a very demanding job, it’s understandable to feel this way – but it doesn’t mean it is right. 

I think identifying the issues of why I’m struggling with decision making, offers me a good ground to understand what God may be trying to teach me in these circumstances. 

A bit of Biblical application

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

First of all, talking into the control that I struggle with, the verse above is a very helpful reminder. I need to remember that I can’t control everything that happens in life, but I can trust that God knows what will happen and that when I trust in Him, He works all things for my good. 

And He has done this again and again in my life so far! 

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” (Psalm 37:7)

This verse reminds me to be still in knowing who God is and that He is the one in control. It is good to wait patiently on Him, trusting that He will guide me to where I need to be. 

A quote that I keep coming across on Instagram at the moment is, “Whilst you’re waiting for God to open your next door, praise Him in the hallway.” This may be a little cheesy, but perhaps it’s something I need to try to be better at. 

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake.” (Psalm 23:2-3)

This little snippet actually reminds me of two truths:

  1. The ‘quiet waters’ of rest that we are given refreshes my soul. I should enjoy the opportunity of rest that I’m in now. 
  2. God will guide me ‘along the right paths’. I might not know how or when this will happen, but I can trust that it’s a promise that He makes. 

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:26) 

This verse is a beautiful reminder that God knows and cares for all of the animals on this earth, and He loves me even more than that. 

By trusting and following God, I have a relationship with the Creator that feeds the birds so I know that I do not need to worry about tomorrow because His grace is sufficient for this life, and the one that is to come! 

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15)

This verse is the anchor to all my decision making. I believe that my purpose in life is to try to be servant hearted to those around me, and imitate the way that Jesus lived whilst on this earth. When making a decision, the question I should always ask is, “Does this glorify God?”

In summary

Writing this has been helpful. The Bible passages highlighted seem to really point to being still and taking joy in this opportunity to refresh my soul. 

I’m so grateful to know God and to be able to relinquish the control that I seek to Him because trying to control and know everything only leads to more stress. 

Often when I’m making a decision, I do keep in mind that God rules overall, so I try to make a decision at a cross roads that will put me in line with His path for me. 

Although I recognise God’s supremacy, this way of thinking still tries to put a lot of control in my hands. 

A gentleman at church once said to me that we often do this but we have it all backwards. Really what God teaches is that we should make a wisdom-based decision but step out in faith, knowing that God is with us in whatever path we take. 

Our punitive decision making, isn’t going to effect God’s supremacy and overall plan. The decisions we make – whether they are right or wrong ones – are all part of His plan, and teach us more about Him along the way. 

How do you handle decision-making? Share your thoughts in the poll below!

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Picture of a sign post on the South West Coastal Path with the sea in the background. The picture signifies being at a cross roads of decision making.